The Sonogram Indeterminacy

After a few days of not knowing how things were going with the baby, due to some cramping and bleeding, The Wife had another sonogram today.  She went to the doctor on Thursday and they used the doppler to find the heartbeat again.  All was well and it was a healthy 156 beats per minute.  They went ahead and scheduled the sonogram for today, since the doctor could not determine what could be causing the issues.

She went in as scheduled today and had another successful sonogram.  The baby measured thirteen weeks and two days today.  We have no idea if that's right.  There are two sonogram technicians at the office and the one from today is the same one that measured the baby on the first sonogram, where it was supposedly a few days behind where we thought it should be.  The second technician did the last sonogram, where the baby jumped nine days ahead of where it should have been according to the first sonogram.  I realize now that's a super convoluted explanation, but trust me, it's right.  The Wife tried to get some sort of guess out of the sonogram as to the sex of the baby... but to no avail.  The technician said it was just too early.  We knew that, but hey... gotta ask.  We'll find out the real answer on February 25th.

I'M A BABY!!!

The Case Plan Extrapolation

Case planning was this week.  Leonard and Penny's mom had hers Thursday afternoon and their dad had his Friday morning.  I got the report from Gloria at the end of the day on Friday.  One of them went well and had no issues.  The other was less than well and was not exactly what "case planning" was meant to be.  You can judge for yourself which is which, as reported from my talk with Gloria.

Mom

1. Her lawyer is always courteous and very nice

2. Discussed moving toward unsupervised visits

3. Discussed implementing parental management training

Dad

1. His lawyer is usually resistant to anything and everything, but is suddenly on board with the plan

2. He (dad) wants to know if we are following through on his (ridiculous) requests, including, but not limited to: a request on December 21st to see a specific Santa Claus (which we took pictures of and sent to him); giving them vitamins that look and taste like gummi bears so the kids don't know they're taking vitamins when asked; questioning the use of lack of use of diaper cream on the potty trained child

3. He wants to know how Penny's egg allergy has been lately and would like her to be tested by a doctor to see if she still has the allergy

4. Conversation held at the meeting
             Dad:  "The kids always say they want to go home at the end of visits."
             Gloria:  "Yeah.  They don't mean your house.  They call the other (our) house their home."
             Needless to say, Gloria's comment was not well received

So there's what I got from my conversation with Gloria.  I had a few responses to the things that the kids' dad said, so I told Gloria.  The diaper cream is only needed when Leonard has accidents that don't get cleaned up fast enough.  Those accidents are generally at daycare and he deosnt' ever tell anyone when it has happened, so there's a good chance that he is wearing dirty underwear and/or pants for a few minutes at least.  Gloria took it upon herself to explain that to their dad, so that was super nice of her to take care of before she had to ask us.  Then we talked about the supposed egg allergy.  I told her that the kids have both had eggs in all forms and neither of them have had any reaction.  Ever.  I told her that we would be more than happy to schedule a doctor's appointment and take Penny to be tested.  I also told her that I would like to request that she speak to their dad and inform him of the process (and pain) of allergy testing.  If this is his attempt at trying to be a parent, he needs to know what his daughter will be going through for it.  It's no Lyme's Disease test... you know... the blood test that he requested back in September.

I also learned that the judge in the case still believes that the kids can go back to whichever house that Gloria and the agency deem best for the situation.  Gloria thinks that, at this point, she cannot recommend either home.  The parenting training that will begin this coming week is supposed to help with her final determination.

We can only hope, for the kids' sake.

Six Months

Leonard and Penny have been with us for six months tomorrow.  A lot has changed, but a lot has stayed the same.  

Both of the kids are still generally the same happy kids they were in July.  Leonard is younger, so his time in care is much more dramatic, in relation to his time out of care, than Penny's.  He has been in foster care for nearly 20% of his lifetime.  Penny's percentage is much lower.  We like to think that we've made a difference in their growth and general well-being.  The kids were both fairly babied by their parents and those things continue to show.  From time to time, Leonard still refuses to ask for help and Penny does not react favorably to punishment or even being called out on certain behaviors.  Last Sunday ended a five week streak of no tantrums by Penny, when her brother said, "you hurt me and you need to apologize"... not in a mean tone, but just in an informative, please apologize tone.  Not only did she not apologize, but then she decided that it was best to follow him around the house as he tried to walk away from her, all the while asking her to "please stop following me".  I had been upstairs completing the great bedroom switch, but I stopped to listen to what was happening.  I went downstairs and very calmly asked Penny to listen to what Leonard was saying and apologize for hurting him and stop following him around.  She immediately shut down and backed herself into a corner of the room.  I gave her another chance to apologize and that didn't work... so kicking and screaming ensued as she was escorted to the bathroom (the bedrooms were still a mess).  She did manage to calm down after a quick "come to Jesus" meeting with The Wife.

Obviously foster care takes place for a reason, but I still could not imagine not having my kids around for six months.  Visiting (or really just eating) with them once a week for an hour at a time would not even make a dent in the time that I would miss out on.

Penny can now buckle her seat belt and Leonard is able to buckle the chest strap on his seat.  They both get dressed entirely on their own and only need help with the buttons and tying of the shoes.  Leonard is potty trained.  Penny helps get plates and utensils out for meals.  Last weekend, I came downstairs to find the bowls, spoons and milk on the counter and the pantry door open.  She couldn't reach the cereal, so she did everything she could.  

These are just a few of the things that their parents have missed.

To Build or To Re-Build...

That's the current question that we discuss in our free time.

As I mentioned a few posts ago, The Wife and I are planning on packing up and moving in about two years. We're going to take the opportunity to move to Idaho, getting us closer to Seattle (which was our original goal), but still in the general area of the Pacific Northwest.  Recently, we have also been watching a lot of HGTV.  Everyone is buying new houses and renovating their current houses and it's all just so exciting!!! We have no idea what we want to do when we move though.  We plan on renting a house or apartment and living on an extreme budget, while we save for whatever the plan becomes.  There are upsides and downsides to both options, building and renovating.

Building Our Own
Upsides - It can be whatever we want it to be
                  It can be wherever we want it to be (or at least wherever we can find a lot to build on)

Downsides - It's expensive
                       We wouldn't be able to move into it until it's done (obviously)

Buying and Renovating
Upsides - We can watch the transformation take place
                  It can still be basically whatever we want, but the shell is there already
                  We can live in it and renovate a little at a time
                  Might be a little cheaper than building from the ground up
                  
Downsides - It's still expensive
                       We could potentially be living in a giant mess for a while
                       We can only do so much with what already exists in the house

It's a good thing we have a couple of years before we even have to start saving for this venture.  I already know that we will change our mind at least twenty times between now and then... but at least we have HGTV to guide us on our way.

"Visits Are Changing Again"

Of course they are.

I talked to Gloria earlier and she informed me of the new plan... which will probably change again next week anyway.  Leonard and Penny's parents had to change visits a few weeks ago from Friday mornings to Tuesday afternoons.  We didn't object, as the transportation is no longer up to us.  As long as the visits do not create a problem with their meals and/or naps at daycare, it doesn't matter to us when they occur.

The new change is going to have two separate visit days, one for mom and one for dad.  Upside is that this will cut down on the amount of crap they are fed in a two hour span.  Downside is that they will have more disruption to what had been a pretty steady schedule for the last several months.  Due to the plague that struck our house last weekend, visits were cancelled for Friday of that week.  The ensuing make up time screwed up the kids' sense of stability and it really showed in Penny over the last several days.  It all culminated Sunday afternoon in a meltdown over not listening to directions and not apologizing to her brother, after he requested that she apologize for hurting him.  She held it together pretty well, as far as crumbling four year olds go, but it still happened.... ending over five weeks of calmness and lack of meltdowns.  

In addition to regular visits, they are all going to start "family therapy".  We can only assume that this will actually be "parenting skills therapy".  I'm not trying to judge anyone for how they parent, but these two do not parent.  Their idea of a visit, after not having their kids for almost six months, is to load them full of as much food as possible in an hour... each one trying to ruin the other's plan for spending time with the kids.  Leonard is generally the one who suffers from this, as he used to spend Friday afternoons sick (and occasionally throwing up) from all of the food.  The play therapist will be spending every other visit with the kids and their parents.  She's been fairly useless to this point, so I can't say that I expect a lot more out of it.  She believes that she helps the kids "process" things.  We believe that Penny likes to play with her because Penny has never met someone that she didn't like and Leonard is terrified of her.  Maybe not terrified, but he doesn't like her much.  His normal reaction to her is to cry and say he doesn't want to go with her.  The next several weeks should be awesome... and by awesome, I obviously mean the exact opposite.


Side note to my conversation with Gloria:

Her:  It's been confirmed that mom is pregnant

Me:  Really?

Her:  Yeah.  DCF called me.

Me:  Yeah.  I'll bet they did.

Her:  So that'll be fun.

Serenity Now

Oscar was a hard baby.  He was not fun.  There's no way around it.

He would wake up in the morning and cry.

He would lay on the floor and SCREAM.

He would take a break from eating to SCREAM.

He would SCREAM when you change his diaper.

He would SCREAM when you took his clothes off.

He would SCREAM when you put his clothes on.

He would sit in his swing and SCREAM.

He would wake up in the night and SCREAM.

We were on the verge of having his placement disrupted a few times.  The stress of having a baby that just cried at us constantly was not enjoyable in the least.  When he started spending a lot of time at his grandparents' house, that made things easier.  We stuck it out because we were only dealing with his volume and intensity three or four nights a week.  Between having Leonard and Penny, who obviously need to be fed, bathed, etc and preparing for a new baby in the coming months, the stress of Oscar was overbearing.  We almost had him removed the week of Christmas, after court, because it was determined that nothing would be done until February.  We had a change of heart, since he wasn't around a ton, and decided to stick it out until at least February when the next court date would determine more of his fate.  The morning of the day that we got the call that he would be moving to his grandparents' house, we had decided that we would see his placement through and just deal with the screaming for a few months... hoping that he would be a happier baby in a few weeks or months.  I would say that we were sad to see him go for about five minutes... then we realized how quiet it was in the house without him and all was well.

When he left, it was as if a giant weight had been lifted from our shoulders.  Evenings are calm and there are no screams or sounds of crying coming from anywhere in our house.

Gone

Oscar is gone.  After a much longer evening with him than we had anticipated, he took his things and left.  His grandparents were supposed to be here at 6pm to get him.  At 5:30pm, I got a text saying it was going to be 6:30pm before they got here because they were out buying things for Oscar.  At 6:30pm, I got a text saying that they'd be here at 7:30pm, because they lost track of time.  So... yeah... they somehow didn't notice that an entire hour went by when they were so excited to come get him.  But whatever... he's gone now and we have seen our first placement from beginning to end.

When I got the text pushing the time back to 7:30pm, I fed him and put him to bed.  We don't know what time they put the kids to bed at their house, but here it's 6:30pm or so.  We waited by the front door for a while with all of his things, as you can see in the picture.  He definitely looked super confused by his grandparents showing up at this house, but he gave them big smiles.  I helped carry his things out to the car, gave him a last hug and said goodbye.

Wishy Washy

A couple of weeks ago, The Wife and I were discussing what we would do when our lease is up at the end of September 2014.  The following scenarios were determined to be brilliant ideas (in the span of about 24 hours):

1. Move to a smaller house/apartment and save for our eventual move to Seattle in a few years (where we'd both like to end up)

2. Move to Costa Rica (we'd have to learn Spanish and they have a lot of laws/rules that you have to follow if you aren't from there)

3. Move to Seattle immediately upon the end of our lease (having no jobs and no money saved... good plan)

4. Maybe Costa Rica could work

5. Move to Kentucky (The Wife's company has an office there)

6. Maybe we should just stay here for now and decide later, but not stay as long as #1 would mean

7. Move to Idaho or Washington (The Wife's company has an office that she could work out of and we'd be that much closer to Seattle for weekend trips or whatever)

The moral of the story is that we change our minds a lot.  The main idea is that we want to raise our child(ren) in a different part of the country than we live in now.  We have a plan in place and are super excited for that lease to run out.  Until then, we'll have plenty of time to save and prepare for our eventual move... to somewhere.

Monthly Meeting #5

Our monthly meeting with the agency workers was last night.  Gloria and Lisa were there... Elaine was nowhere to be found... obviously.  Essentially, not a whole lot has changed with the case for Leonard and Penny.  The next court date is the first week of February, so maybe we'll know something then.  Gloria informed us today that the case plans have been scheduled for the week after next for each of the parents, but we aren't entirely sure what that means for the kids or for us.  Our best guess is that it means they will be informed of their case plans, disagree with what they're told, argue the points and set the whole case back about three months.  That seems to be the trend so far at least.  Things are basically at a standstill for now, but our monthly meetings at least allow us for a little bit of time to trade stories about what we think is going on.  We get to inform Lisa of the ridiculous requests that the parents make that Gloria relays to us during the month between meetings and I think she finds it quite entertaining.  I don't really remember anything else that we talked about right now, but there could very well be a part two to this post later.

98%

Leonard is basically potty trained.  There are still occasional accidents, but other than a diaper at night, it’s a go.  He is a LONG way from being trusted to not pee all over himself and the bed for 10-12 hours a night.  Once the daycare moved him from the two year old room to the three year old preschool room, things took quite a turn for the better.  He isn’t getting babied in that room and is just another kid in the fray.  There’s no special treatment like he was getting in the younger room.  In addition to the older kids being a good influence, having him clean his own underwear when he gets home every day probably didn’t hurt the effort.  It’s just a great relief to not have to change a diaper or even really buy diapers anymore… we can buy a small package and it last for over two weeks.  Accidents happen and we’ll deal with them as they come, but overall… this was a very quick success.

Baby Update

Yesterday we got to hear the heartbeat of the baby.  The Wife has been a nervous wreck, but has made it to the second trimester and all is well.  The appointment wasn’t as fun and awesome as it could have been since her doctor was on call at the hospital and clearly in a rush, but the important thing was that we got to hear it.  It’s getting more real and this weekend, we’re starting the process of flipping the bedrooms.  The Kid will be moved to the smaller room that Leonard and Penny currently share, while they move to The Kid’s room.  That way, when the two little ones go back to their mom and/or dad, we can turn that room into the nursery and it will be plenty big for all of the necessary baby things.  We didn’t get any indication that we’d be having the next ultrasound before the 20 week mark, so that was kind of a letdown, since we’d really like to know what kind of baby we’re having… but we’ll survive.

He's Leaving

Not on a jet plane, but he's leaving all the same.

I got a call from Elaine, Oscar's original caseworker who just returned from maternity leave, to say that his grandparents were approved for something with some letters that I don't remember right now.  Whatever it was, it means that Oscar can go live with them now.  We have arranged for them to come pick him up this week after we get home from work one night, so we spent a little while last night going through his things and making sure we had everything ready to send with him.  After seeing it all again, we are quite certain that he won't be needing any clothes for the next several months.

The entire thing is still a surprise to us.  After the last court hearing, it sounded like there wouldn't be any decisions made until at least February, but apparently that was about as far from reality as possible.  We are 100% sure that Oscar's time in foster care will come to an end on Thursday and that he will never be back in the system.  His grandparents are such kind, loving people and are over the moon excited for him to be with them full time.  We were going to meet this weekend to make the switch, but his grandma said that they wanted him as soon as possible... so Thursday is the day.

LUDICROUS SPEED! GO!

Leonard and Penny's parents are something else.  I know I've documented these things before with the food and such.  In the last week, Gloria has relayed a few things to me from the parents, or at least their dad.  He wanted to know if they were taking any vitamins, so I told Gloria that they just took regular vitamins for kids... Flintstones or whatever was available.  Gloria then said, through just a hint of snark, "Well, he said something about fish oils or omega something or other"... I'm pretty sure she assured him that they were getting vitamins of some kind.  In the same conversation, I learned that their dad also wanted to know "why Penny isn't in preschool"... again, Gloria was kind enough to take this one on her own.  She went on the daycare's website and printed off all of the information they had available and gave it to him.  Not only did Penny move from the preschool to the Pre-K classroom about three months ago, but Leonard moved from the two year old room to the preschool classroom right after Thanksgiving.  So yeah... school is taken care of.

When Gloria called their parents to cancel visits for today, due to their illness, their dad once again questioned it.  He wanted to know if they had been to the doctor, what the doctor said and if they were on any medications.  She let him know that we had not been to the doctor yet, but that we were on our way there at the time.

All of the recent questions have come on the heels of being asked four days before Christmas if they had been taken to see Santa, at the location they go to every year.  If we hadn't been, it was requested that we take them.  Obviously we didn't have to take them, but we obliged and took them, since it was apparently a family tradition that they had and we didn't have anything else going on that weekend.

While these are mostly benign questions and requests, we've had the random things such as a request for a Lyme's Disease test and bags and bags of socks that have been sent from visits, that were just so far out there, it really makes us wonder about the mental stability of both parents.  I suppose they're just trying to be parents and do and say things that seem like something a parent would care about, but the timing of some things are just a little off.

A Plague On Our Only House

I'd like to say both of our houses... but we only have the one.

This one started on Wednesday afternoon.  I got a call from daycare at about 3:40pm to let me know that Penny had a temperature of 100.4°.  I asked what that meant, because the daycare director never told me that I needed to come get her.  She said that, as long as the temperature was under 101°, Penny would be able to stay.  I got off the phone with her and began the eighty minutes of hoping to not get another call.  It worked out and when I got to daycare after work, Penny was a little less than her normal cheerful self, but that also happens when she's really tired.  Before bed, I gave her a dose of Children's Tylenol and called it a night.  When we got up on Thursday morning, I fully expected to find two kids with temperatures of about 102°.  Luckily, hers had dropped into the 99s and his was completely normal.

The dreaded phone call came at noon.  Penny was great, but Leonard had thrown up and had a temperature of 102°, which I later found out was taken after he threw up.  But whatever... he had to leave either way.  I called the doctor on the way to get them and found out that the appointments for the afternoon were all booked, but I was welcome to bring them to the walk-in clinic that would be open until 7pm.  On that phone call, I learned that the current waiting time was about two hours.  Better than the emergency room (even though it wasn't an emergency), but less than ideal all the same.  When we got to the office, about a 45 minute venture, including coming home for their insurance and medical stuff, it was up to a three hour wait.  Luckily, she can sit still and he was still very groggy from being woken from his nap.  We ended up waiting about an hour and a half, which considering what we were told, wasn't bad at all.  As long as it wasn't the flu, we were going to call any diagnosis a win for our side.

It turns out, after the doctor examined both of them, that she suspected strep for Penny and strep with the added bonus of an ear infection for Leonard.  They were both given prescriptions to be filled, with his being the stronger of the two, since he had more ailments that needed curing.