The Sonogram Indeterminacy

After a few days of not knowing how things were going with the baby, due to some cramping and bleeding, The Wife had another sonogram today.  She went to the doctor on Thursday and they used the doppler to find the heartbeat again.  All was well and it was a healthy 156 beats per minute.  They went ahead and scheduled the sonogram for today, since the doctor could not determine what could be causing the issues.

She went in as scheduled today and had another successful sonogram.  The baby measured thirteen weeks and two days today.  We have no idea if that's right.  There are two sonogram technicians at the office and the one from today is the same one that measured the baby on the first sonogram, where it was supposedly a few days behind where we thought it should be.  The second technician did the last sonogram, where the baby jumped nine days ahead of where it should have been according to the first sonogram.  I realize now that's a super convoluted explanation, but trust me, it's right.  The Wife tried to get some sort of guess out of the sonogram as to the sex of the baby... but to no avail.  The technician said it was just too early.  We knew that, but hey... gotta ask.  We'll find out the real answer on February 25th.

I'M A BABY!!!

The Case Plan Extrapolation

Case planning was this week.  Leonard and Penny's mom had hers Thursday afternoon and their dad had his Friday morning.  I got the report from Gloria at the end of the day on Friday.  One of them went well and had no issues.  The other was less than well and was not exactly what "case planning" was meant to be.  You can judge for yourself which is which, as reported from my talk with Gloria.

Mom

1. Her lawyer is always courteous and very nice

2. Discussed moving toward unsupervised visits

3. Discussed implementing parental management training

Dad

1. His lawyer is usually resistant to anything and everything, but is suddenly on board with the plan

2. He (dad) wants to know if we are following through on his (ridiculous) requests, including, but not limited to: a request on December 21st to see a specific Santa Claus (which we took pictures of and sent to him); giving them vitamins that look and taste like gummi bears so the kids don't know they're taking vitamins when asked; questioning the use of lack of use of diaper cream on the potty trained child

3. He wants to know how Penny's egg allergy has been lately and would like her to be tested by a doctor to see if she still has the allergy

4. Conversation held at the meeting
             Dad:  "The kids always say they want to go home at the end of visits."
             Gloria:  "Yeah.  They don't mean your house.  They call the other (our) house their home."
             Needless to say, Gloria's comment was not well received

So there's what I got from my conversation with Gloria.  I had a few responses to the things that the kids' dad said, so I told Gloria.  The diaper cream is only needed when Leonard has accidents that don't get cleaned up fast enough.  Those accidents are generally at daycare and he deosnt' ever tell anyone when it has happened, so there's a good chance that he is wearing dirty underwear and/or pants for a few minutes at least.  Gloria took it upon herself to explain that to their dad, so that was super nice of her to take care of before she had to ask us.  Then we talked about the supposed egg allergy.  I told her that the kids have both had eggs in all forms and neither of them have had any reaction.  Ever.  I told her that we would be more than happy to schedule a doctor's appointment and take Penny to be tested.  I also told her that I would like to request that she speak to their dad and inform him of the process (and pain) of allergy testing.  If this is his attempt at trying to be a parent, he needs to know what his daughter will be going through for it.  It's no Lyme's Disease test... you know... the blood test that he requested back in September.

I also learned that the judge in the case still believes that the kids can go back to whichever house that Gloria and the agency deem best for the situation.  Gloria thinks that, at this point, she cannot recommend either home.  The parenting training that will begin this coming week is supposed to help with her final determination.

We can only hope, for the kids' sake.

Six Months

Leonard and Penny have been with us for six months tomorrow.  A lot has changed, but a lot has stayed the same.  

Both of the kids are still generally the same happy kids they were in July.  Leonard is younger, so his time in care is much more dramatic, in relation to his time out of care, than Penny's.  He has been in foster care for nearly 20% of his lifetime.  Penny's percentage is much lower.  We like to think that we've made a difference in their growth and general well-being.  The kids were both fairly babied by their parents and those things continue to show.  From time to time, Leonard still refuses to ask for help and Penny does not react favorably to punishment or even being called out on certain behaviors.  Last Sunday ended a five week streak of no tantrums by Penny, when her brother said, "you hurt me and you need to apologize"... not in a mean tone, but just in an informative, please apologize tone.  Not only did she not apologize, but then she decided that it was best to follow him around the house as he tried to walk away from her, all the while asking her to "please stop following me".  I had been upstairs completing the great bedroom switch, but I stopped to listen to what was happening.  I went downstairs and very calmly asked Penny to listen to what Leonard was saying and apologize for hurting him and stop following him around.  She immediately shut down and backed herself into a corner of the room.  I gave her another chance to apologize and that didn't work... so kicking and screaming ensued as she was escorted to the bathroom (the bedrooms were still a mess).  She did manage to calm down after a quick "come to Jesus" meeting with The Wife.

Obviously foster care takes place for a reason, but I still could not imagine not having my kids around for six months.  Visiting (or really just eating) with them once a week for an hour at a time would not even make a dent in the time that I would miss out on.

Penny can now buckle her seat belt and Leonard is able to buckle the chest strap on his seat.  They both get dressed entirely on their own and only need help with the buttons and tying of the shoes.  Leonard is potty trained.  Penny helps get plates and utensils out for meals.  Last weekend, I came downstairs to find the bowls, spoons and milk on the counter and the pantry door open.  She couldn't reach the cereal, so she did everything she could.  

These are just a few of the things that their parents have missed.

To Build or To Re-Build...

That's the current question that we discuss in our free time.

As I mentioned a few posts ago, The Wife and I are planning on packing up and moving in about two years. We're going to take the opportunity to move to Idaho, getting us closer to Seattle (which was our original goal), but still in the general area of the Pacific Northwest.  Recently, we have also been watching a lot of HGTV.  Everyone is buying new houses and renovating their current houses and it's all just so exciting!!! We have no idea what we want to do when we move though.  We plan on renting a house or apartment and living on an extreme budget, while we save for whatever the plan becomes.  There are upsides and downsides to both options, building and renovating.

Building Our Own
Upsides - It can be whatever we want it to be
                  It can be wherever we want it to be (or at least wherever we can find a lot to build on)

Downsides - It's expensive
                       We wouldn't be able to move into it until it's done (obviously)

Buying and Renovating
Upsides - We can watch the transformation take place
                  It can still be basically whatever we want, but the shell is there already
                  We can live in it and renovate a little at a time
                  Might be a little cheaper than building from the ground up
                  
Downsides - It's still expensive
                       We could potentially be living in a giant mess for a while
                       We can only do so much with what already exists in the house

It's a good thing we have a couple of years before we even have to start saving for this venture.  I already know that we will change our mind at least twenty times between now and then... but at least we have HGTV to guide us on our way.

"Visits Are Changing Again"

Of course they are.

I talked to Gloria earlier and she informed me of the new plan... which will probably change again next week anyway.  Leonard and Penny's parents had to change visits a few weeks ago from Friday mornings to Tuesday afternoons.  We didn't object, as the transportation is no longer up to us.  As long as the visits do not create a problem with their meals and/or naps at daycare, it doesn't matter to us when they occur.

The new change is going to have two separate visit days, one for mom and one for dad.  Upside is that this will cut down on the amount of crap they are fed in a two hour span.  Downside is that they will have more disruption to what had been a pretty steady schedule for the last several months.  Due to the plague that struck our house last weekend, visits were cancelled for Friday of that week.  The ensuing make up time screwed up the kids' sense of stability and it really showed in Penny over the last several days.  It all culminated Sunday afternoon in a meltdown over not listening to directions and not apologizing to her brother, after he requested that she apologize for hurting him.  She held it together pretty well, as far as crumbling four year olds go, but it still happened.... ending over five weeks of calmness and lack of meltdowns.  

In addition to regular visits, they are all going to start "family therapy".  We can only assume that this will actually be "parenting skills therapy".  I'm not trying to judge anyone for how they parent, but these two do not parent.  Their idea of a visit, after not having their kids for almost six months, is to load them full of as much food as possible in an hour... each one trying to ruin the other's plan for spending time with the kids.  Leonard is generally the one who suffers from this, as he used to spend Friday afternoons sick (and occasionally throwing up) from all of the food.  The play therapist will be spending every other visit with the kids and their parents.  She's been fairly useless to this point, so I can't say that I expect a lot more out of it.  She believes that she helps the kids "process" things.  We believe that Penny likes to play with her because Penny has never met someone that she didn't like and Leonard is terrified of her.  Maybe not terrified, but he doesn't like her much.  His normal reaction to her is to cry and say he doesn't want to go with her.  The next several weeks should be awesome... and by awesome, I obviously mean the exact opposite.


Side note to my conversation with Gloria:

Her:  It's been confirmed that mom is pregnant

Me:  Really?

Her:  Yeah.  DCF called me.

Me:  Yeah.  I'll bet they did.

Her:  So that'll be fun.

Serenity Now

Oscar was a hard baby.  He was not fun.  There's no way around it.

He would wake up in the morning and cry.

He would lay on the floor and SCREAM.

He would take a break from eating to SCREAM.

He would SCREAM when you change his diaper.

He would SCREAM when you took his clothes off.

He would SCREAM when you put his clothes on.

He would sit in his swing and SCREAM.

He would wake up in the night and SCREAM.

We were on the verge of having his placement disrupted a few times.  The stress of having a baby that just cried at us constantly was not enjoyable in the least.  When he started spending a lot of time at his grandparents' house, that made things easier.  We stuck it out because we were only dealing with his volume and intensity three or four nights a week.  Between having Leonard and Penny, who obviously need to be fed, bathed, etc and preparing for a new baby in the coming months, the stress of Oscar was overbearing.  We almost had him removed the week of Christmas, after court, because it was determined that nothing would be done until February.  We had a change of heart, since he wasn't around a ton, and decided to stick it out until at least February when the next court date would determine more of his fate.  The morning of the day that we got the call that he would be moving to his grandparents' house, we had decided that we would see his placement through and just deal with the screaming for a few months... hoping that he would be a happier baby in a few weeks or months.  I would say that we were sad to see him go for about five minutes... then we realized how quiet it was in the house without him and all was well.

When he left, it was as if a giant weight had been lifted from our shoulders.  Evenings are calm and there are no screams or sounds of crying coming from anywhere in our house.

Gone

Oscar is gone.  After a much longer evening with him than we had anticipated, he took his things and left.  His grandparents were supposed to be here at 6pm to get him.  At 5:30pm, I got a text saying it was going to be 6:30pm before they got here because they were out buying things for Oscar.  At 6:30pm, I got a text saying that they'd be here at 7:30pm, because they lost track of time.  So... yeah... they somehow didn't notice that an entire hour went by when they were so excited to come get him.  But whatever... he's gone now and we have seen our first placement from beginning to end.

When I got the text pushing the time back to 7:30pm, I fed him and put him to bed.  We don't know what time they put the kids to bed at their house, but here it's 6:30pm or so.  We waited by the front door for a while with all of his things, as you can see in the picture.  He definitely looked super confused by his grandparents showing up at this house, but he gave them big smiles.  I helped carry his things out to the car, gave him a last hug and said goodbye.