What is.... the number of hours it took before the news of things changing had an effect on Penny?
Correct.
The only information she had was that they would be picked up at daycare by their parents this week and visits would be a little bit longer. We decided the best thing to do would be to take it on a week by week basis, so we don't overload her and give her a ton of stuff to process all at once. Penny loves having a schedule and knowing it. She always wants to know what we're doing next or how things are gonna go for the evening or day or whenever. Even though everything is the same for this week, until Thursday and Friday, just the knowledge that things will be different affected her. She had a little bed wetting incident last night. It was no big deal and we knew it was coming... we just expected it after things actually changed.
Meanwhile, Leonard has no idea what's going on. Nor does he care to know.
Can't wait to see what the next five to seven weeks have in store for us.
3.4.13
2.4.13
A Sudden Turn of Events
So... on the 21st, we were told that the judge in the case had said that he would like to see the kids go home by the fourth of July. In September, he said by Christmas... but whatever. We had our monthly meeting last night with Gloria and we also got to meet Annie, our third FSC in eight and a half months. Gloria filled us in on the new plan, which is essentially a seven week reintegration plan with both parents. The plan is as follows:
Week 1 - Visits are unsupervised and bumped up to three hours per parent
Week 2 - Visits are five hours and take place at each parent's home
Week 3 - Visits are eight hours per parent
Week 4 - One overnight visit per parent
Week 5 - Two overnight visits per parent
Week 6 - Stay the week with one parent
Week 7 - Stay the week with the other parent
The plan starts now. As it is currently laid out, Leonard and Penny will be leaving us on or around May 3rd, as the last two weeks do not involve us at all. We are hoping that the longer visit days (the five and eight hours) can take place on the weekends, so as to avoid meltdowns at daycare and such. We are reasonably certain that the fairly strict schedule we have been instilling in them for the last eight months will be shot all to hell in a matter of days. At this point, we just hope they can hold it together long enough to make it to the actual transition. For two kids, who not only enjoy their sleep, but do it so well, going from getting twelve hours at night with a resting/napping period during the day, back to what we've been led to believe was no bedtime and no naps as a general rule, is going to be a huge mess and fairly nightmarish. We are going to provide a schedule that they kids have followed since coming to our house. There is a 95% chance that their mom follows it down to every detail. There is a 3% chance that their dad does the same... and that number may be generous.
Tonight, we begin the packing of the things. Hopefully Penny will be able to tell us which house some stuff came from, since both parents have sent a ton of toys and things.
Week 1 - Visits are unsupervised and bumped up to three hours per parent
Week 2 - Visits are five hours and take place at each parent's home
Week 3 - Visits are eight hours per parent
Week 4 - One overnight visit per parent
Week 5 - Two overnight visits per parent
Week 6 - Stay the week with one parent
Week 7 - Stay the week with the other parent
The plan starts now. As it is currently laid out, Leonard and Penny will be leaving us on or around May 3rd, as the last two weeks do not involve us at all. We are hoping that the longer visit days (the five and eight hours) can take place on the weekends, so as to avoid meltdowns at daycare and such. We are reasonably certain that the fairly strict schedule we have been instilling in them for the last eight months will be shot all to hell in a matter of days. At this point, we just hope they can hold it together long enough to make it to the actual transition. For two kids, who not only enjoy their sleep, but do it so well, going from getting twelve hours at night with a resting/napping period during the day, back to what we've been led to believe was no bedtime and no naps as a general rule, is going to be a huge mess and fairly nightmarish. We are going to provide a schedule that they kids have followed since coming to our house. There is a 95% chance that their mom follows it down to every detail. There is a 3% chance that their dad does the same... and that number may be generous.
Tonight, we begin the packing of the things. Hopefully Penny will be able to tell us which house some stuff came from, since both parents have sent a ton of toys and things.
21.3.13
Updates All Around
The baby...
IT'S A BOY!!! We had to withhold the information for a while, since the family didn't find out until this past weekend. The Wife is in the 23rd week and all is well. We have a 3D ultrasound scheduled in May, so that should be a fun experience. We also have a ridiculous amount of clothes and all things baby. It's a good thing we have a completely unused closet in our room... along with the better part of one of the closets that is in use. I'm just saying that a 5'x8' rug rolled up takes up a lot of space. The rug is possibly the best part of the whole thing... since we got the last one that the entire company had for sale. I am not at liberty to discuss the three giant rubbermaid containers of clothing at this time. Or the carseat. Or the diaper bag. Or the playmat. At this point... we're just counting down the days until the room is freed up for putting the nursery together. We're also waiting on all of the nursery furniture to arrive... but we have time.
The fosterlings...
They're still here. Court was today. Their dad filed a motion to have the reintegration expedited. I spoke with Gloria's supervisor (Gloria is out of town) and she said that court was "a fiasco" and a "hot mess". The judge thanked their dad's lawyer for wasting the court's time and then denied the motion. The whole ordeal lasted about three and a half hours and ended with basically the same result. Nothing. They're going to work on a new reintegration plan and the judge would like to see the kids placed with one parent or the other by the 4th of July. This is the same judge that said December. I guess things change over the course of nine months... at least four of which have been fairly unnecessary. Gloria's supervisor and the GAL discussed things after court (or during, I'm not sure) and they think that the most likely scenario is that one parent is given custody and the other is terminated. Otherwise, the parents will have to learn to work together in parenting and that just doesn't seem anywhere near possible at this point. They have another fifteen years of dealing with each other and haven't managed to get the last two correct.
Every time I write a new entry, I say that there will be more to come... then I take another month off. Maybe this will be the time it's true. I can at least manage to get some good pictures up on here... probably.
IT'S A BOY!!! We had to withhold the information for a while, since the family didn't find out until this past weekend. The Wife is in the 23rd week and all is well. We have a 3D ultrasound scheduled in May, so that should be a fun experience. We also have a ridiculous amount of clothes and all things baby. It's a good thing we have a completely unused closet in our room... along with the better part of one of the closets that is in use. I'm just saying that a 5'x8' rug rolled up takes up a lot of space. The rug is possibly the best part of the whole thing... since we got the last one that the entire company had for sale. I am not at liberty to discuss the three giant rubbermaid containers of clothing at this time. Or the carseat. Or the diaper bag. Or the playmat. At this point... we're just counting down the days until the room is freed up for putting the nursery together. We're also waiting on all of the nursery furniture to arrive... but we have time.
The fosterlings...
They're still here. Court was today. Their dad filed a motion to have the reintegration expedited. I spoke with Gloria's supervisor (Gloria is out of town) and she said that court was "a fiasco" and a "hot mess". The judge thanked their dad's lawyer for wasting the court's time and then denied the motion. The whole ordeal lasted about three and a half hours and ended with basically the same result. Nothing. They're going to work on a new reintegration plan and the judge would like to see the kids placed with one parent or the other by the 4th of July. This is the same judge that said December. I guess things change over the course of nine months... at least four of which have been fairly unnecessary. Gloria's supervisor and the GAL discussed things after court (or during, I'm not sure) and they think that the most likely scenario is that one parent is given custody and the other is terminated. Otherwise, the parents will have to learn to work together in parenting and that just doesn't seem anywhere near possible at this point. They have another fifteen years of dealing with each other and haven't managed to get the last two correct.
Every time I write a new entry, I say that there will be more to come... then I take another month off. Maybe this will be the time it's true. I can at least manage to get some good pictures up on here... probably.
19.2.13
141 Hours
Give or take.
We will be finding out the sex of our summer arrival next Monday at 9am. Or at least close to 9am. This has been about the longest three weeks (since the last appointment) in the history of the world. I tried to convince The Wife to call and say she was going to be out of town on business next week and that we needed to move the sonogram up to this week, but then we would run the risk of getting it pushed back another week. And that would not be acceptable.
We have SO MANY baby clothes already and we spent the last few days going through everything to see what we want to keep and want we are going to sell/donate. After Monday, we will be able to cut that amount in about half. We originally thought we had more boy clothes, but after going through all of the things that we bought in preparation for fostering, we have pretty close to an even amount of boy and girl stuff. If anyone reading is familiar with Ikea... we have about one and a half blue bags full of stuff that we rediscovered over the last few days. And a good portion of a closet of things we have bought in anticipation of the baby.
Mostly, we'd like time to jump ahead about two months, so we can start the ordering of furniture and putting together of the nursery. Right now, it's more of a holding pattern. At least until next week. We're withholding the information of boy vs girl from everyone for about three weeks, until we can have The Wife's family over and The Kid comes for the weekend. Luckily, we don't talk to them on a daily basis, so hopefully we will be able to keep the secret and not let anything slip along the way.
In related news, I spent three or four days a couple of weeks ago making a paper chain... because who doesn't like paper chains? When it started, it was about 180 links long and it is now down to 155. It's draped along one wall in our room and hopefully I'll remember to put a picture up. It's quite the kindergarten accomplishment.
We will be finding out the sex of our summer arrival next Monday at 9am. Or at least close to 9am. This has been about the longest three weeks (since the last appointment) in the history of the world. I tried to convince The Wife to call and say she was going to be out of town on business next week and that we needed to move the sonogram up to this week, but then we would run the risk of getting it pushed back another week. And that would not be acceptable.
We have SO MANY baby clothes already and we spent the last few days going through everything to see what we want to keep and want we are going to sell/donate. After Monday, we will be able to cut that amount in about half. We originally thought we had more boy clothes, but after going through all of the things that we bought in preparation for fostering, we have pretty close to an even amount of boy and girl stuff. If anyone reading is familiar with Ikea... we have about one and a half blue bags full of stuff that we rediscovered over the last few days. And a good portion of a closet of things we have bought in anticipation of the baby.
Mostly, we'd like time to jump ahead about two months, so we can start the ordering of furniture and putting together of the nursery. Right now, it's more of a holding pattern. At least until next week. We're withholding the information of boy vs girl from everyone for about three weeks, until we can have The Wife's family over and The Kid comes for the weekend. Luckily, we don't talk to them on a daily basis, so hopefully we will be able to keep the secret and not let anything slip along the way.
In related news, I spent three or four days a couple of weeks ago making a paper chain... because who doesn't like paper chains? When it started, it was about 180 links long and it is now down to 155. It's draped along one wall in our room and hopefully I'll remember to put a picture up. It's quite the kindergarten accomplishment.
18.2.13
Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
Except in Penny's case.
She informed both The Wife and myself the other day that she doesn't miss her parents anymore. The two instances were completely separate from each other and, as far as Penny knows, neither of us knew that she told the other one. We weren't really sure what to think about it. Maybe it's just because the visits are somewhat short (at least until next week)? Maybe she thinks she's just staying with us forever and she will just get to visit their parents? More than likely, it's because she was sick and we were the ones taking care of her. But who knows. We discussed it and decided that her play therapist (that she really hasn't ever needed because there wasn't anything to "work out", but whatever) should know.
--------------------------------------
My email to the therapist:
Thanks
Her educated and well thought out response:
She informed both The Wife and myself the other day that she doesn't miss her parents anymore. The two instances were completely separate from each other and, as far as Penny knows, neither of us knew that she told the other one. We weren't really sure what to think about it. Maybe it's just because the visits are somewhat short (at least until next week)? Maybe she thinks she's just staying with us forever and she will just get to visit their parents? More than likely, it's because she was sick and we were the ones taking care of her. But who knows. We discussed it and decided that her play therapist (that she really hasn't ever needed because there wasn't anything to "work out", but whatever) should know.
--------------------------------------
My email to the therapist:
We just wanted to let you know
that Penny has said that she
doesn’t miss her parents anymore. We weren’t sure if this would be
anything significant, but thought that you should know… in case it’s something
you’d like to discuss with her in your sessions.
Her educated and well thought out response:
Thank you for letting me know I
wonder if that means they have adjusted to this change in their life. They
appear to enjoy their time with their parents. Also I have given
notice to leave [the agency] my last day of employment will be 3/3/13. You may still see
me around some only because I will be contracting with [the agency] and maintaining a
very small case load of clients where very little collaboration amongst
professionals is needed since I won’t be as available
------------------------------------------
The obvious translation of this being... "good to know... see ya around". At least she didn't spell Penny's name wrong this time. She didn't type it anywhere, but that's not the point.
Maybe the visits being lengthened will help Penny realize that she will be going back home at some point. Perhaps her parents should mention that to her. It's hard to say. Either way, she (and Leonard) have a place to stay with us.
Meanwhile... Leonard is indifferent to the whole thing and doesn't really seem to care where he is or when he's there.
Monthly Meeting #6 and Court
We had our monthly meeting with Gloria and Lisa on Monday evening last week. Basically nothing had changed at that point. The kids' parents have started doing things necessary to get the kids back, but everything was going to remain the same. Also... Lisa is quitting. At the end of February, we will get our third family services coordinator since starting fostercare in June. Of course, we might not get one. Lisa wasn't sure what was going on because only about three of her 25 homes had been reassigned at the time. We may be without an FSC for the foreseeable future.
Court was Tuesday and a few things changed, but nothing major. The kids will be having their visits changed from one hour for each parent to two hours each. They will also be out in the community and monitored, rather than supervised. The only difference that really makes is that Gloria doesn't have to sit and watch them interact anymore... she will just check in a few times throughout the visit. Apparently their dad's lawyer asked for the whole case to be dropped and for the kids to come back home and the judge said no. Can't say that I'm even a little surprised by that. The next review of the case is March 21st, where none of us expect anything to change at all. So pretty much the same as the last four court dates.
DON'T WORRY THOUGH... THEIR DAD BROUGHT THEM MORE $9 VITAMINS THAT LAST ALMOST TWO WEEKS.
Court was Tuesday and a few things changed, but nothing major. The kids will be having their visits changed from one hour for each parent to two hours each. They will also be out in the community and monitored, rather than supervised. The only difference that really makes is that Gloria doesn't have to sit and watch them interact anymore... she will just check in a few times throughout the visit. Apparently their dad's lawyer asked for the whole case to be dropped and for the kids to come back home and the judge said no. Can't say that I'm even a little surprised by that. The next review of the case is March 21st, where none of us expect anything to change at all. So pretty much the same as the last four court dates.
DON'T WORRY THOUGH... THEIR DAD BROUGHT THEM MORE $9 VITAMINS THAT LAST ALMOST TWO WEEKS.
8.2.13
To My Wife
I don't feel as though you get enough mention on this blog.
Obviously, you are a huge part of everything in my life and I would do anything for you.
We're having a baby in a few months. "We're" not pregnant... but "we're" having a baby. And I can't wait. From not being able to settle on a name (or eight) to looking through every possible article of clothing and bedding and decor... it's all so surreal after the last few years.
This baby has been a long time coming and I am so glad that we stuck with it. After the first three failed instances, I know you were down. Anyone would be. Everyone always says "when you quit trying, it'll happen". I guess they're right. The week between when it would have happened and when we saw the positive test, we were in the mindset of having had bad timing and trying again the next month. Then, out of nowhere... there was that second line. And another second line. And another second line. And then the word "pregnant". And then I think another second line. There were definitely plenty of tests to prove that it was true. But hey... no one can blame us for being overly cautious.
Even after seeing the lines, given our previous experiences, we had to be skeptical that it would stick. You were, perhaps, a bit more skeptical than I was, but that's just our dynamic... it's how we work. I would have never told you before it, but going into that first sonogram to see the little flashing speck scared the crap out of me. What if there was nothing there? What if it was over before it really started? How would we deal with it again? Luckily, we didn't have to. There it was... a little flashing speck of a baby... or as much of a baby as there would be that early. After that, tensions did seem to ease up a little. We had to wait another FOUR WEEKS to see how things were going with another sonogram. The nerves were a little less on that one, but we were still in the cautiously optimistic stage of things. What if something had gone wrong suddenly? After seeing the first flashes of what would become our baby, what would we do if something had taken a turn for the worse? Again... we didn't have to worry about that. We even got some pictures of something that looked like a baby. It was amazing and such a relief.
Well, here we are... sixteen weeks down, twenty four to go. The anticipation of February 25th is killing me... and you, I know. I don't know how we're going to manage to hold it together for another five months after that. But one thing I do know, is that there's no one I'd rather hold it together with than you. You're the reason I don't want to leave in the mornings and the reason I don't want to stay away one minute more than absolutely necessary. We're going to have our own little family soon and it's going to be everything that we want it to be. Me, you and baby (either Her Royal Highness Dutchess Von Bébé or El Capitán Niño de Joco). I love you Sara.
Love,
Steven
Obviously, you are a huge part of everything in my life and I would do anything for you.
We're having a baby in a few months. "We're" not pregnant... but "we're" having a baby. And I can't wait. From not being able to settle on a name (or eight) to looking through every possible article of clothing and bedding and decor... it's all so surreal after the last few years.
This baby has been a long time coming and I am so glad that we stuck with it. After the first three failed instances, I know you were down. Anyone would be. Everyone always says "when you quit trying, it'll happen". I guess they're right. The week between when it would have happened and when we saw the positive test, we were in the mindset of having had bad timing and trying again the next month. Then, out of nowhere... there was that second line. And another second line. And another second line. And then the word "pregnant". And then I think another second line. There were definitely plenty of tests to prove that it was true. But hey... no one can blame us for being overly cautious.
Even after seeing the lines, given our previous experiences, we had to be skeptical that it would stick. You were, perhaps, a bit more skeptical than I was, but that's just our dynamic... it's how we work. I would have never told you before it, but going into that first sonogram to see the little flashing speck scared the crap out of me. What if there was nothing there? What if it was over before it really started? How would we deal with it again? Luckily, we didn't have to. There it was... a little flashing speck of a baby... or as much of a baby as there would be that early. After that, tensions did seem to ease up a little. We had to wait another FOUR WEEKS to see how things were going with another sonogram. The nerves were a little less on that one, but we were still in the cautiously optimistic stage of things. What if something had gone wrong suddenly? After seeing the first flashes of what would become our baby, what would we do if something had taken a turn for the worse? Again... we didn't have to worry about that. We even got some pictures of something that looked like a baby. It was amazing and such a relief.
Well, here we are... sixteen weeks down, twenty four to go. The anticipation of February 25th is killing me... and you, I know. I don't know how we're going to manage to hold it together for another five months after that. But one thing I do know, is that there's no one I'd rather hold it together with than you. You're the reason I don't want to leave in the mornings and the reason I don't want to stay away one minute more than absolutely necessary. We're going to have our own little family soon and it's going to be everything that we want it to be. Me, you and baby (either Her Royal Highness Dutchess Von Bébé or El Capitán Niño de Joco). I love you Sara.
Love,
Steven
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