Time Flies

It’s been eight weeks today since Leonard and Penny joined us.  It’s hard to see the subtle changes over the course of that time… but we know there have been quite a few. 

When they first got to our house, they were inseparable.   Obviously, that makes sense for kids who have just come into foster care and have been in three homes (their own, the respite, then ours) in less than five hours.  The first day of daycare, which was the Monday, following their Thursday arrival, was the first time that the two of them had ever been apart.  They were in the same building, just not the same classroom.  That was rough for two or three weeks in the beginning, with the crying and not wanting to be left there alone.  I should say that it was only ever rough for Leonard, as Penny adjusted after the first day (and never really cried).  Since then, things have definitely changed.  Last weekend, The Wife took Penny to her gymnastics and I took Leonard to get a haircut and to go grocery shopping and the only reaction from him was, “they’re going in that car and we’re going in this car”.  Separation anxiety has been eliminated.

Another thing that we were told when they first arrived was that they didn’t play well with other kids.  At our house, they didn’t have much choice.  The Kid was over for the weekend the day after they came to us and then our niece joined us for part of the day on Saturday.  We also took them to a birthday party for a friend's two year old that evening, where there were several other kids and a pool and a slide.  Penny told our friend that it was the best party ever.  Not to mention we had a friend of The Wife and her daughter over on Sunday of the same weekend.  There was no time for Leonard and Penny to not play with other kids.  We were curious as to how they’d react at daycare for the first time ever, but it went well, in reference to playing with kids.  Penny was in her classroom for about two minutes before she found a little boy to play with.  The progression on this aspect has been more subtle than the separation.  Over the Labor Day weekend, we went to a little family cookout and Leonard and Penny played with the nieces and nephew and they had a great time.  So… playing well with others… never really an issue, but they are much faster to respond to other kids being around than they may have been that first weekend.  Once again, not Penny, just Leonard.  He’s two though, so he gets a pass on being timid about these kinds of things.

The last big thing that we have noticed is still a work in progress.  The kids do not ask for help.  They will either not do whatever they need to ask about or they’ll just FREAK OUT.  Penny tends to take the approach of not doing whatever it is or she finds a way around asking the question.  Leonard prefers the freak out and then cry method.  In the last few days, since we had a talk about asking for things when they need them, Penny has been doing much better at asking for help.  On occasion, she won’t ask and I can calmly look at her and say, “what do you think you should do if you need help?” and she will quickly respond with, “will you help me with (insert whatever task here)?”, and then life goes on.  Leonard will struggle with something, like taking his shirt off for a bath, for about ten minutes.  Then he stands there looking at me with his pouty face.  We spent quite a few nights on just saying “please”.  That’s been going fairly well, so we added to it and are working on “help please”.  I would say we are having about a 75% success rate on his being specific about what he needs.  He has his moments, but like I said before… he’s two.

We’ve heard over and over from people that we are really lucky to have Leonard and Penny and how they are not a typical placement.  Everyone, from The Wife’s sister-in-law to the kids’ doctor, has told us.  Both Leonard and Penny are very well-behaved, intelligent kids that have just sort of caught a bad break in getting put in foster care.  Hopefully their parents will start working their plans and they will go back home, but for now, we are enjoying the time that we have with them and can’t wait to see what they will do or learn next.